A lot has happened this past year and I really am honestly surprised that I have made it through it. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have gone from being heartbroken at a bitter break up, blaming him for what has happened to me and not being able to understand why he is able to walk around as if nothing has happened and yet there I was struggling to walk, struggling with my mental and then my illness on top.
I still have a lot of things involving that relationship that I need to speak with a therapist about as there are things I can't really go into detail with with my family members but I am getting there; so I have had that to deal with, I have also had to adjust to living on my own, which again has been so difficult. But it is the one thing that has helped shape who I am today, I am so thankful for my own company, being able to do what I want when I want; being able to spend my money on what I want to spend it on, granted I'm on a tight budget, but I still do get a few pounds to treat myself with. I have learnt to love myself again.
To go from being in a wheelchair, then having to use a rollator to assist with my walking to now only needing that on bad days ( there are a lot of those still - but the good days are much more frequent!). I have lived in jogging bottoms and baggy tops for the past year, mainly for comfort and because they are easy items of clothing to put on.. but now I have had enough of looking like a slob, yes it might take all of my energy to choose an outfit and do my hair and make up and make myself feel human again but bloody hell do I feel better for it!
I am so much happier now, I have cut out negative people from my life, people that do not understand who I am or what it is I have had to deal with, unfortunately some of those people have been close family but unfortunately for me to get better and stable again I have had to remove them. I didn't want to- I hated the idea, but when you're explaining yourself time and time again, explaining why it is your legs hurt or why you're tired when you haven't done anything.. it does get draining. It's all part and parcel of having a chronic illness and I know it is a lot to take on and understand but when people just dismiss it - almost as if nothing is the matter and say that it is all in your head. Well that was the final straw for me. Yes it has been difficult, of course it has but I know I've done the right thing.
I am also on a weight loss journey now, which as you can imagine has been a long time coming. I have piled on the pounds quite scarily the past year and there is no way I am keeping at this weight. I am following Slimming World as I am such a foodie! There isn't any way I could follow a shake diet, give me all the carbs!! That's the beauty of Slimming World you can eat as much as you want (within reason) and still eat chocolate, and STILL LOSE WEIGHT!!
I am determined to lose 5 stone by Christmas 2018. I am 15 stone 9 now.. I can do this!!
I'm all about the PMA now (Positive Mental Attitude) I am so done with dwelling on my condition, and my life in general, that really isn't going to get me where I need to be and help me become the best version of myself. It does sound corny as hell but that is how I am feeling right now- I'm finally living my life for me and I tell you what I bloody love it!
So yeah, I'm back to loving life and embracing the change in my personality and just me in general, I am feeling a lot healthier, happier and just smiling all the time!
I want to thank you all for supporting me by reading my blog, I know it is new however I am going to try and commit to a new blog post every week for you all!
If you don't follow me already then my social media handles are below!
Thank you for reading my angels,
K x
Instagram: @kerrylovessw
Twitter: @kerrylovesblog
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